Tabby Duff
- Jan 6, 2021
- 6 min read

The Chemo Diaries

Long time no speak! Happy New Year, ish. Here’s hoping 2021 is even slightly better than the shitshow that was 2020 – although with the latest lockdown news I’m not so confident. A lot has happened with me and the big C over the past few weeks, so I thought it might be a good time to catch you up on what’s been going down. Firstly, I started chemotherapy! I’m also now completely bald. New year, new me and all that.

So I had a Zoom call with my oncologist a few weeks back to discuss my plan of action. 7 rounds of chemo, 21 weeks. My initial thought was hooooly fuck. That's a bloody long time. How on earth am I going to get through this?! I still don't have an answer, but I'm taking it one day at a time and trying not to think too far ahead. I'm officially a shielder since I'm now extremely vulnerable to even the common cold, let alone COVID. On a more selfish note I'm almost glad it's happening now during lockdown so I'm not missing out on much anyway.

I’m starting with 3 x EC followed by 4 x the targeted stuff – Herceptin, Perjeta & Taxotere. Then once I’ve completed chemo I’ll be having a mastectomy to remove any remaining cancer – bye bye boob!

Two days before chemo #1 I had a PICC line inserted; a long, thin tube threaded into a large vein in my arm that leads all the way to my heart. Mad init. Having a PICC means that chemo can be administered directly rather than having to inject into a vein in my hand every time. It’s basically a lot easier in the long run and saves my veins. But it also means I have this tube stuck inside me for the next few months, I have to visit the GP every week to get the dressing changed, and I can't shower without wearing this ultra-stylish massive plastic sleeve over it as it can't get wet.

I’ve kept a diary of my chemo experience thus far, including all of the ~glamourous~ side effects, so that you lovely lot can get a glimpse into the realities of cancer treatment from the perspective of an otherwise healthy 26-year-old gal.

Wednesday 23rd December (Day 1)

Anxiety is rife as I prep for my first session of chemo. Usually, I’d be spending Christmas Eve Eve in my PJs watching Christmas with the Kranks and stuffing my face with mince pies and Celebrations. Instead, I’m heading to the Clatterbridge Cancer Centre to start my treatment.

I’m starting with EC (also charmingly known as the 'red devil') which is a combination of 2 drugs: epirubicin and cyclophosphamide. This'll be done every 3 weeks to give my bod enough time between cycles to flush its way throughout my system, kill the twats, and recover from the side effects. Because although chemo is great at killing cancer cells, it's not so great at not killing your healthy cells.

Side effects on EC vary person-to-person, but the main stuff includes:

· Fatigue,

· Hair loss,

· Nausea and vomiting,

· Effects on blood cells,

· Menopausal symptoms.

And that’s just to name a few... so with all that to look forward to, off we go!

My chemo bag is packed to the brim with snacks, my joggers are on for ultimate comfort levels. The nurse knows who I am straight away. I might be the only person in chemo today under the age of 45, but cancer doesn't discriminate folks. I go for the corner chair with a view of the whole ward. The chair itself is comfy AF to be fair – if I squint really, really hard, I could be sat in a spa. Having swallowed about 8 different anti-sickness tablets and a litre of water already, we're off. The first drug goes in fairly quickly. It's bright red, which is slightly unnerving – apparently my wee's going to be red for days too. The 2nd drug makes me slightly light-headed but it's not unbearable. 2 hours later, I'm all drugged up and sent home equipped with enough meds to supply a small pharmacy. I feel relatively fine. What a breeze!

Thursday 24th December (Day 2)

Oh how naïve I was. This was far from a breeze. I fell asleep at 9pm and didn’t wake up until 10am. I’m absolutely exhausted and I feel sick. There’s a weird metallic taste in my mouth. But I take my meds as prescribed and hope for the best. It’s not the ideal Christmas Eve scenario at all TBH, but I manage to get some food in me and watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with the fam.

Friday 25th December (Day 3)

IT’S CHRISTMASSSS! And thankfully, I don’t feel too bad. Slightly nauseous, but a ginger tea while opening presents perks me right up. Today’s the day I start my Filgrastim injections to help increase my white blood cell count. No chance I'm doing that myself, so my dad gives it a go. Fucked up the first one – who knew you needed to remove the cap?! Well, I guess most people if they read the instructions… oops. 2nd time lucky and with a slightly sore stomach from the stabbing, I get ready and manage to celebrate Christmas as much as I can, enjoy a glass of Prosecco, and most importantly demolish my Christmas dinner.

Saturday 26th December (Day 4)

The nausea isn’t so great today and I’m bloody tired. This chemo malarkey is like a really boring full-time job. My boyfriend and I manage a short Boxing Day walk, and although the fresh air definitely did me good, I end up napping for the rest of the day when we get back. I also have a new side effect joining the gang in the form of severe muscle and bone pain. Lovely.

Sunday 27th December (Day 5)

This feels like a really bad 5-day hangover. I'm now struggling to move and aching incessantly. These daily injections are a complete ballache, I've finished all of my anti-sickness tablets, and I've got a new morning routine of checking my temperature before I get out of bed to make sure I don't have sepsis or something since I'm so immunocompromised. Love that for me! At least I still have an appetite.

Monday 28th December (Day 6)

When I woke up this morning (afternoon), I noticed something different outside my window. It’s snowing! There's no chance I'm missing out on the snow. Despite my agonising neck and back, I throw on my wellies and get outside. I even built a snowman that Elsa would be proud of.

Tuesday 29th December (Day 7)

I managed to get a good sleep last night, but I'm still so sore. I rang my BC nurse about it and apparently it's a common side effect from the injections. I'm allowed to take paracetamol, so I pop a couple pills and pray for a miracle. It works, and I manage a walk with my mum. Buuut, we have a new side effect guys! And it's a bowel-related one, fun times! Thank fuck for laxatives.

Wednesday 30th December (Day 8)

I feel like I might finally be emerging from the fog. The paracetamol has helped massively with the pain, and I no longer feel like a 90-year-old woman. I can move without wincing. No more nausea. Food still tastes great. My bowel habits are back to normal. I'm slightly tired, but it's probably just because I was up until 2am on TikTok. Could this be the worst of it over with for this round?

31st December – Today

I don’t want to jinx anything, but these past few days I've felt human again. I've been sleeping well, I don't have any significant pain, and I can walk for longer than 30 minutes without getting out of breath. I even decided to brave the shave on New Year's Eve which I'll probably do a whole other blog post about. I'm back to work (from home) on a flexible basis. I've gone into 2021 feeling as positive as I can despite the cards I've been dealt, and although this round has been fairly brutal at times, I'm so ready to get the next 6 done.